An Epic Tragedy

Why the fuck am I feeling so poetic? Oh well!

You know, you know, I remember
once, when I walked down the corridor of my old school
And I saw this chap
He looked at me, and gave a clap,

"HO! Hey," he cried
"wanna hear a story?"

A bloke who favoured skipping class
I didn't pass

"So, there might be people listening, or might read this, because I wrote it down,

and you wanna know what I call it?"

"What, dude?" I inquired

"The Epic Tragedy!
See?"

"So there was a boy.

A young, scruffy-looking ruffian

came to a new place

So strange, so alien to him
so what did he do?

He rebelled against the new environment
He became mean
He became rude
He joined the nasty riders of envy
He was the enemy of many

The ruffian felt good
at first
Power and fear, they were his allies
But then, when break of the year came,
he was alone
in his own world

no friends

but his own power and fear

and that loneliness brought him the first tear

of shame

and regret

When dawn of the new year came,
he was quiet

subdued

and his evil compatriots left him

"he's probably dead, dude,"

said they amongst themselves

but like every book, every Hollywood movie, every piece of literature,

someone came to alight him of his plight

a girl

in such a beautiful light

the ruffian thought she was an angel

and an angel I'm led to believe she was

a beauty that no mortal can pass
without inhaling sharply
a heart that glowed like the lava
in the forsaken volcanoes in the LOTR series

she mended his broken head

treated his guilty soul

and gave him a reason to live

the life which was so young!

the angel-we-all-thought-she-was-but-really-was-exaggerated-for-the-sake-of-the-story,

while she healed her companion

she didn't know
he fell for her

as hard as ridiculous this story is,

that's how hard he fell

but of course, fate was funny, in a funny sort of funny way,
as fate liked to make puppets dangle on her fingers from their strings

so like a terrible contestant in Britain's Got Talent,

he danced and danced around the angel-he-thought-she-was,

unaware that fate was making a joke about him

"So there was this one ruffian..."

I'm sorry, man, one of the reasons

this story is called the Epic Tragedy

is because it is a tragedy!

can't you see?
He, yes, he!

He finds out that she doesn't return his feelings

in a cold, hard truth sort of way
like when Luke Skywalker found out Darth Vader was his father
(NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO)"

"But but but, you crazy bastard," I protested
"why is it epic? It's like any other love story I've heard.
Epic, my foot."

"It is epic, my chubby class-skipper,"

he almost jumped, crying
"because the ruffian did not run and cower

when the truth was laid in front of him

The pretty lil tenshi (angel in Japanese) revered love

and set forward to find her own

without knowledge of the ruffian's affections

But the ruffian did not stop her, like a jealous zealot would

no, you fatty, you know what the ruffian did?"

"WHAT?!" I shouted. "Summoned Aslan? Found the seventh Hocrux? Destroyed the Vulgari?
What, man, WHAT?!"

"He became her sword.
He took his own heart, knowing it would be of no use,

fashioned a sword

and defended her from evils and danger.

In memory, he was the ruffian

whose evil drowned with him

and was healed by the kind Angelo (Italian for angel)

But in heart.

He was her sword.

Thus, O cholestrol-covered buddy,

the tale

of such

an Epic Tragedy."

"Oh." I looked at the fellow.
Then I grabbed his arm.
"An epic tragedy that may be... but a far more miserable tragedy it may be

if you don't see a doctor."

"OH SCREW YOU, FATTY."

 

I was feeling whimsical. Do not judge me. Is there a hidden story there? I don't know. This isn't Inception. Dreams within dreams. Or maybe it is. Are you SURE you're not dreaming now? HORRRRR--