And here we go...

Hey guys! SPM just finished last Wednesday. Well, not for those who are taking extra subjects (moi) but the hard ones (Biology, Physics, Sejarah) practically the mean ones...

They.

Are.

Over.

And so begins the waiting. The three-month anxiety, covered by layers of extreme enjoy-yourselves time, after spending one year or more being hooked to chains of your desk, flirt with your boyfriends and girlfriends (more text messages and calls, oh god, the phone companies are gonna have a field day) and so much more. Well, there are those excited ones starting early in college. Good luck to y'all, coz you know, you make us March-intake goers look lifeless as we just stare at television and poke people on Facebook all day loooooooooooooooooooong.

Naw, seriously. Good luck! Short three week holiday, tho. Heh.

Yes, I am one of those March-intake fellows. I've considered of taking January intake, but looking at the calendar a few times... I just spent the whole year studying (yes, I played class clown in Form 4) and after a break I jump back into studies? Naaaaaah. My Trials results were qualified for a few applications like the one in The One Academy (I've had my eye on Advertising and Graphic Designing for quite some time before I was interested in law) but I was thinking I'd be rushing into things. Why not nature take its course?

I now have three months of... what the hell, I should've taken that application. Damn it!

...
...
...

Just my lil joke, folks. No, I have an internship with The Star for a period of three months starting in January. Yeah, my parents insisted I give journalism a try. I think they disagree (silently) with my decision to enter the field of lawyers, ever since that case of the mutilated cosmetics queen. And why do people make jokes about lawyers?

From How I Met Your Mother;
Marshall: You've just been lawyered.
Barney: Lawsuit-up!!

Lawyers do make a lot of money.

Yes, yes, I heard you say, ''dirty money''.

I'll work with the Attorney-General Chambers, and maybe go for the position of Chief Justice... when I'm 50 or so. Hey, what's wrong with dreaming, right??

But now, ladies and gentlemen, my attention is one one thing... a very anticipated event. Yes, that's what I'm talking about.

Prom. Yeah, Sri Aman and Samad's Prom, themed after New York, New York! Or something, I forgot the whole title thingy on Facebook.

Yes, about prom. There have been certain... distortion in the sound waves of peace. (!) I'm sorry, Physics paper was kinda infectious, it jumps off your cerebellum and into your... (!) whoops, was that a Biology fun fact?

Anyway, prom!

Some people... (the ones who aren't coming) are pissed about it. (Let it be known as Group Some People 1)

Some people... (the ones who organised it) are pissed too, coz the other some people were pissed about it. (Group Some People 2)

I am obliged to pick a group (the second one, sorry, I'm part of the committee) but I won't. Because I like to be a team player and voice out the err... distortions in the sound waves of peace. Man, I'm good.

The prom, without doubt, is flawed. Why? Yes, plausible reasons, so and so, but still, flawed. The group of Some People 1 is right to be angry, prom is an audacious event! Memories are to be created there, friends' company to be enjoyed, precious moments to be looked upon and adored in the future! Perfection is of the utmost importance, and never to be done halfway! Bagai melepaskan batuk di tangga... (!) what the heck, sorry folks. BM paper's over. Sorry. Point is, people who organise prom (Group Some People 2) should have worked harder on it. How dare they. This is prom! Not a half-assed school project for extra-credit!!!

But Group Some People 1. When voicing out, be gentle. Violence or foul-mouthing is never the way. You'll just make the organisers feel bad about it and utterly demoralised. And the prom itself will end in a much more disastrous manner. Alright, the prom has holes, too many holes to be patched up and sewed on to achieve satisfaction, but you have to remember. Group Some People 2 is composed of humans. Very talented humans who want nothing more than the same thing you want: a good time with dear friends for the very last time. They work hard too, as much as we all worked for SPM. Give some credit, if not the smallest piece of gratitude.

There are faults on both sides. Maybe the other weighs more than the next. But there's democracy. Look at Malaysia!

...
...
...

Sorry, bad example. What I mean to say is, criticise if you must! But be gentle! We will work hard for New York, New York to be a memorable event, not just a party with suits and dresses.

And it's still not too late. Do come, those who are not coming. We promise you'll have an enjoyable time.

Till next time, folks!

Break Free! *RENGEKI!*

I will feel better when I post this up. I am so stressed right now. My results weren't bad, but I'm not happy with them. And that's just Trials. Teachers were sympathetic, and passed me on a couple of subjects.

I so do not need pity. What I need is bloody strength. And the guts to be truthful to myself. To her. To everyone I know.

I will kill SPM ( meaning, just pass it with flying colours ), go to college. Finish studies, and start anew.

I do not want to be grounded. Lemme go free. Gimme my WINGS! Ever heard of the Wings of Liberty? That's what I want!

That's what I need.

And I want love.

And since I'm at it, I won't mind world peace, too.

I'm gonna break free of this, and no, I'm not breaking into a High School Musical number!

No, no, no!

Can I go ''Na, na, na'' instead? Gerard Way kicks ass, and that ass is Zac Efron's.

EFF YOU, STRESS-MITES, IMMA GONNA COUNTERATTACK YOUR MENTAL ATTACKS ON MY BROKEN SOUL!

I need my guitar, so, ciao, folks.

I'm gonna start a comic soon. Check my FB page in a couple of weeks. What's it about? Imagine Scott Pilgrim feat. Green Day in a Malaysian high school setting.

That lil thing you do -- lying -- I can bloody well see it!

I woke up late today. Usually my time's at 5.00am but I got around at 6.15am. Of course, after a quick shower and that treasure hunt for my under-- I mean neck tie, I started the walk from home to school carrying around 15 SPBT textbooks which I was supposed to return (yes, I'm missing two textbooks; don't blame me, I'm only human!).

Then this happened.

''Dude, your class (5C) has its book-returning session tomorrow. Today is 5B's turn.''

See, no one actually told me that.

Well, that out of the way, it turned out to be quite an interesting day. No class, some noobs had their Accounts exams, free period all day. Class-hopping joy, what fun.

''Uh can we borrow Bob for a moment?''

''Sure,'' *raises eyebrow in a very suggestive way* ''what for?''

Ah, and there was that little fight in which I got roped into; some relationship crisis. I didn't ask to be a part of it, I never wanted to, but fate's just mean sometimes, and before you know it, the boyfriend wants to pull my guts out through my nostrils and the girlfriend wants me to be her output for tears.
I was nice, too nice, like someone pointed out, and went along with it.
And this is the part where it got cool. I mean, really cool. Really cool. Let me try that in Italic and Bold. Really cool. Well, in my opinion anyway.

''Is he mad?''

''No, he's not!'' *eyes looking down, nodding while saying otherwise, raised voice pitch*

''You're lying.''

''Look, he is not mad and I am not lying!'' *repitition of statement* ''Look, I thought you wanted to help me!'' *changes subject, classic deflection*

''If you're lying to me, I can't do squat. I need to know what exactly happened.''

*sighs* ''Okay... this--''

Whoa, spoilers there, and there's that confidentiality agreement. I helped the girl out, but she was trying to cheat me by trying to cut me from the whole truth. I got everything out in the end, using that simple technique of just looking into the face. Face-reading, a deception expert would call it.

Deception expert is a real occupation. The science of FACS (Facial Action Coding System) is applied here. Discovered by Dr. Paul Ekman in 1970s, the good doctor theorised that every face that showed emotion, any particular emotion, joy, hate, contempt, surprise; all of these emotions had their own specific features formed by the facial muscles, and it's the same for all humans. Yes, it's universal. If Obama and Clinton had something to hide, they'd have the same look on their faces, eyebrows joined together, upper eyelids raised while lower eyelids tensioned and the muscles around the mouth tightened. The look of fear of that secret to be found out.

Spawned a TV-series too. Season 3 up this October.


I'm not saying I'm as good as that bloke up there, or any of those scientists. But I love learning the technique. True scientist say this is BS, since psychology plays a large part in FACS and psychology has been acknowledged as ''soft science''.

I'd like to think I saved someone's relationship today. But since I did play a part in destabilising that relationship somewhere in the past, I'm too ashamed to say it out loud.

There's another technique in detecting a lie, that is by body movement. The scientists call it ''gestural emblems''. A gestural emblem is something the body does involuntarily because of the loss of synch between mind and body when the person lies. This lost synchronisation however can be overcome if the person is a pathological liar, someone who has full control over his muscles, thus disallowing any involuntary movement.

An example of a gestural emblem is the defensive posture. When a person lies, and the lie is opposed by the listener, the liar will go into a stance called the defensive posture, crossed arms, chest in and usually followed by a few steps back. These movements show the need to reinforce the lie, withdraw and defend. We have President Obama for a demonstration.

Though we can say Obama is just being defensive in this picture; I mean, it is a talk with the opposition.

The involuntary muscle movement on the face is harder to catch, according to deception expert Dr. Ekman since usually the liars are betrayed by their emotions within a 1/5 of a second. A hidden smile, a look of contempt, a flash of fear, or the dilation of the pupils. A quick and sharp eye can catch these looks.

FACS is a lovely thing, don't you think? We really should appreciate Dr. Ekman's work. A deception expert is on my list of careers now.

In the end, emotions betray lies. Philosophic, eh?

The Post-trials One

Ey. This should've been done by Friday, but I was busy. Or lazy. Whichever you prefer, really.

First thing, though. Hui Jan, this won't be about FACS (Facial Action Coding System) no, but something else.

Not really a good start there, isn't it? Well, I'm not sure myself, so let's just call this post the Post-trials One, since everyone seems to be happy about the ''post-'' in the word ''Post-trials''.

Now this blog... I set it up a year or so ago, so I could write about stuff. Type, sorry. Express myself, you know? Being a teenager and all, and expressing yourself verbally in your house doesn't actually help a lot. I mean, your 9-year-old sister can't help you if you're suffering from internal conflict of which even you can't describe specifically yourself, can she?

Thus, the purpose of this blog. Well, it's helped me. I can just bloody well post anything I want here, and no one would care. Well, some people care, but I don't really care about them not caring, or caring otherwise.

I'm on a rant here, I have no idea what I'm saying.

I'm relieved, as most people are, because SPM trials just went through. Can't wait for the results *nervous flinch*.

Lots of stuff happened this past few months. Time as a carefree teenager runs out while that looming 12-gauge pump-action shotgun of responsibility just smirks at you from that corner turn; the same corner turn in which someday you're gonna turn around. You get older, wiser. Well, some, dumber.

Experience adds up over the years, but things never change. That's what they say. But really now?

Never?

Well, I'd say never say never, mate.

I just did say never in that sentence which proposes to avoid usage of the word ''never''. A big loophole in that philosophy, eh? I wonder which idiot came up with that.

I bet you're totally confused now. What the hell am I talking about here exactly?

Well, that's your answer. I'm confused. Emotionally, my mentality and my sense of the future is very, very, screwed up right now. I know what to do. Yes, I know what steps I'll be taking once everything is done during this high-school time. Afterwards and forward, yes, I have the vague outlook of what choices I'll be making.

But I am confused. Because, really, nothing's ever clear is it? Well, no worries, though. I'm gonna find out.

Care to join me?

What Happens Next?

Hey, folks. This is probably the last post before I stay off the Net for two weeks for SPM trials. Need to get this do-hickey off my chest.

Everyone, and I mean everyone has been thinking of what to do after SPM. College, work, and so on. I haven't been thinking much, thanks to my immaturity, and really have been living in the moment. Too much, I would say.

It was these couple of last months that I began to grind on my thoughts of what to do when SPM wraps up and I have the results in my hands.

Before this, I've wanted to take Law. Law sounded good, works good, and pays good as well. It was really all talk with lawyers, because these blood-sucking leeches knew how to play around with words and facts, manipulating people's mind. The truth's still the truth, but if one really mastered Law, he can change the way people look at the truth.

KDU offered a good course. Bachelor's Degree of Law, 2 years in Malaysia and one more in UK, an example of one of the programs.

But there's been a definite increase in people majoring in Law. And because of that, most of them are unemployed. Sure, I'd like a Bachelor's Degree of Law, but if I can't work and earn, what was the frickin' point?

My cousin, who had a degree in Pharmacy and recently returned from Bali in Indonesia, suggested that I take Radiography. Radiography was in the medical field, but it didn't require the course-takers to be excellent in Biology or Chemistry, and it was all memory work. Memorise how the X-ray, CAT scan and MRI machines work and learn to read the results through the medical images.

But I wasn't actually a fan of working in hospitals. Sitting behind a machine and checking a man's insides were a bit lame for me, even if you can boast that you know how to operate an X-ray machine.

So, for now, I've decided on the two-year-six-months Creative Media Design course at KDU. Creative Media Design offers the same basics like Illustration in One Academy, though more computer-software oriented than hand-made. Plus, I can concentrate on improving my skills in photography since it's a subject. I'm still considering for Law, and I even might continue for Law after I have my Creative Media Design diploma. Which probably meant that I'll be done studying in 6-8 years.

My Dad wants me to continue the cycle of the family tradition and take Mass Communications and become a journalist. ''You can become anything if you major in journalism-- it's the jack of all trades!'' says my Dad.

But no. Journalism is something both my parents have done. I want to make a new path for myself. And let's face it. Journalism is the freedom to express through literature. I'd be joining politics in a few years. And that's the last thing I want to do.

Even my class teacher says I'm destined to become a politician.

Well, no. A lawyer-photographer I will become (either one) and a hard-boiled one at that.

See ya folks. Wish me luck for them dreaded test papers.