Smile and Die

I rarely find anything worth blogging about, don't I? Ashes to Flames is basically about feelings, girls, mindless rambling, feelings, girls... and feelings. I mentioned feelings, didn't I? Yes, feelings.

2010 has been different to me. Well, every year is, but then... 2010 felt significantly different. I learned about how complex feelings can be, the depth of feelings, their ever-changing chemistry between people and just how very tiring they can be to normal teenagers like you and me. Sometimes borderline suffering.

I've discovered of how to actually like a person.

Discovered rejection (indirectly, mind you.), and how bloody hell painful it was.

That spike, blasted spike from the pits of the underworld, a piece of Hades' own black soul, just puncturing your heart like a buttering knife slicing a bun...

You get over it.

Weak. Hurt. Bloody. Teared up. You get over it. (yeah, you do.)

I'm alive, aren't I?

So like the opening scenes from Halo: Reach, you pick up your assault rifle after a long day and just walk up that hill to get a face full of sunshine... the new horizon!

And you just see another bloody day coming your way. Horizon's there, but it's dark red and screaming at you. Sure, birds fly and the sun shines, but the heat gets to you, and that deja vu from the previous battle stirs up your insides.

You get ready your gun, but you know, once it's over, it's gonna start all over again. The same hill, the same anticipation for a happy ending... but a different horizon with a new kind of horror. Sometimes you wish you were just dead, and heck with all this.

It's just not worth it.

Or maybe you're detached from all of it? Hide in the shadows, and strike from within the shadows. Like the lone hero from Assassin's Creed: Brotherhood, you have nothing to lose and you just work it all until the end. No one's waiting for you once you're done, so just end it all with a jab of that hidden blade.

No one knows, no one cares.

I can't say much. What I have locked in my mind can compromise everything I care for. But I do wish someone can unlock them. Anybody willing to do an extraction from my dreams like Dominic Cobb from Inception?

Then you'll get to see my dreams. Dark, blank, empty and meaningless. Yet under that seemingly plain blanket a sea of storms pulses, sucking in everything that gives me peace and serenity.

I try to make people happy. I try, I really do. And in the end, I get shot in the heart. But I don't care. As long as that person is happy... what can I do?

Smile and die.

xD

*This post has nothing whatsoever to do with anyone real, fiction, or even dead. Not related to anyone. No. Not really.*

*Maybe one.*

*Amirul Shakir is in a relationship*

Before you get all ''WHOA~ really?'', no, I am not in a relationship. I'm merely picturing what would happen on Facebook if I were in one, and decided to update my status as so.

So the topic today... a common one I would think, if you stuck around long enough reading my blog; it's about the boy-girl relationship.

Now there are two kinds of the usual boy-girl relationships.

Number One, as friends.

Oh, nice to meet you.

Second one, I think is normal as the first, as lovers.

Take my hand, and I'll take yours... *fluttering butterflies*

Of course, there are others such as brothers and sisters, cousins and whatnot, but today we're gonna focus on these two rather common ones.

Readers, I honestly tell you that I prefer the first one. Yes, you can have one girlfriend at a time, but when it comes to girl-friends (not lovers, no) you can have as much as you can. No attachments, just joking, laughing, smile-sharing people, helping one another out in times of distress. This is the preferable one, especially in dangerous times of high school. When you got friends of the opposite sex, you know you're metro-sexual. So, don't pal around in the same species; go out there and spread some love. (The love of friendship, I mean.)

The second one. Ah. These are dangerous waters, dear readers. If you taken an alternate road on the branch of friends and aiming to be ''more than friends'' you've arrived in the dating-relationship zone. Two people, have the same feelings for each other (what they really feel is entirely another different matter) and decide to stick together to see what happens. Some are successful and continue throughout their lives, while some... well, just ugly. Not being a pessimist here, but ugly boyfriend-girlfriend relationship outcomes are like the signature trademark of high school monkey love.

The basis for the second one is a crush. You start out with a crush, and if you have the guts, you can continue as so and achieve the lovers' status. But this also requires the right time, the right place and most important of all, the right feeling. Of both parties, mind you. You can't add a positive and a negative, you'll get a negative. But if you add a positive with a positive or a negative with a negative... you'll get a positive!

(+) + (+) = (+)
(-) + (-) = (+)

Oh, I love relating these topics with Maths and science. It just makes them tough academic subjects funnier than what our teachers intend it to be.

Oh. One more thing. I'm currently within the first choice, having girls as friends. No idea about the second one. And to you dolts who think I'm with Madeleine Teh, please don't think so. Both of us are in the first type of boy-girl relationship, though it's much crazier. I think I might be something of a gay best friend (yikes). But I have to admit, the ''fling'' with Hui Jan and Jacie prove to be much more crazier than all the other girls I've met.

Like Sean Ding said, ''wah, from Maddie to Jacie to Hui Jan. You certainly are the player this Puasa month,''

Dude. Prepare for a flying kick tomorrow. I did get lighter this past week, you know.

Lovely Eyes

I was chatting with an old friend from Perak... and he told me about this lil crush he had on this girl in his class. The way he talked about her, wow, I was afraid I might have fallen for the girl myself. So, pal, I dedicate this little story here for you. That'll be five bucks for this post; blogs ain't cheap.



Haha. Just my lil joke...



So, I'll begin now, eh?



''There she was... (I won't say her name; so I'll describe her as 'she') just came in class a few days ago. I was in the accounts stream, and not many people were in favour for it. But 'she' certainly was. I saw her doing questions before; in front, at the blackboard. Solving those mathematical questions like it was child's play. I think even the teacher was envious of her. Last pop quiz, 'she' was the only one who scored 90% something for it. Oh yes, she's very 'brainy' and god, she is beautiful.



I talked to her a couple of times. She told me that she was half a Malay, and half an Indian. That fact suprised me, and I even held myself back for a moment (I'm sorry, my friend can be a little err...touchy) but after confiding in a friend (moi?) I found myself not caring. She was pretty, smart and so funny. But the thing that intrigued me the most... it was her eyes. Her lovely eyes.



It was a soft brown, not too dark, yet not too bright. It was balanced, and make you think of chocolate. And when she smiled... it was a complete package. Her eyes, her smile... it made my heart leap and beat a million times faster. Have you ever heard a melodious chirp of a flock birds? She laughs like that. I yearn to hear it everyday.



I'm not ashamed to say I've fallen for her. What boy in his right mind won't? I knew this at once when I saw her talking with other boys. It was jealousy; and that only happens if you have feelings for someone.



I hope everyday, that there will come a time, and I'll look into her lovely eyes, and tell her my affection for her. I'll be looking into her eyes then; her lovely eyes.''










Now, he clearly emphasised on the usage of 'lovely eyes'. I can grasp a measure of what he meant. The poor boy's in love; the way he talks about the girl. I really wish I can meet this girl someday. Wow. Later, readers.