And here we go...

Hey guys! SPM just finished last Wednesday. Well, not for those who are taking extra subjects (moi) but the hard ones (Biology, Physics, Sejarah) practically the mean ones...

They.

Are.

Over.

And so begins the waiting. The three-month anxiety, covered by layers of extreme enjoy-yourselves time, after spending one year or more being hooked to chains of your desk, flirt with your boyfriends and girlfriends (more text messages and calls, oh god, the phone companies are gonna have a field day) and so much more. Well, there are those excited ones starting early in college. Good luck to y'all, coz you know, you make us March-intake goers look lifeless as we just stare at television and poke people on Facebook all day loooooooooooooooooooong.

Naw, seriously. Good luck! Short three week holiday, tho. Heh.

Yes, I am one of those March-intake fellows. I've considered of taking January intake, but looking at the calendar a few times... I just spent the whole year studying (yes, I played class clown in Form 4) and after a break I jump back into studies? Naaaaaah. My Trials results were qualified for a few applications like the one in The One Academy (I've had my eye on Advertising and Graphic Designing for quite some time before I was interested in law) but I was thinking I'd be rushing into things. Why not nature take its course?

I now have three months of... what the hell, I should've taken that application. Damn it!

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Just my lil joke, folks. No, I have an internship with The Star for a period of three months starting in January. Yeah, my parents insisted I give journalism a try. I think they disagree (silently) with my decision to enter the field of lawyers, ever since that case of the mutilated cosmetics queen. And why do people make jokes about lawyers?

From How I Met Your Mother;
Marshall: You've just been lawyered.
Barney: Lawsuit-up!!

Lawyers do make a lot of money.

Yes, yes, I heard you say, ''dirty money''.

I'll work with the Attorney-General Chambers, and maybe go for the position of Chief Justice... when I'm 50 or so. Hey, what's wrong with dreaming, right??

But now, ladies and gentlemen, my attention is one one thing... a very anticipated event. Yes, that's what I'm talking about.

Prom. Yeah, Sri Aman and Samad's Prom, themed after New York, New York! Or something, I forgot the whole title thingy on Facebook.

Yes, about prom. There have been certain... distortion in the sound waves of peace. (!) I'm sorry, Physics paper was kinda infectious, it jumps off your cerebellum and into your... (!) whoops, was that a Biology fun fact?

Anyway, prom!

Some people... (the ones who aren't coming) are pissed about it. (Let it be known as Group Some People 1)

Some people... (the ones who organised it) are pissed too, coz the other some people were pissed about it. (Group Some People 2)

I am obliged to pick a group (the second one, sorry, I'm part of the committee) but I won't. Because I like to be a team player and voice out the err... distortions in the sound waves of peace. Man, I'm good.

The prom, without doubt, is flawed. Why? Yes, plausible reasons, so and so, but still, flawed. The group of Some People 1 is right to be angry, prom is an audacious event! Memories are to be created there, friends' company to be enjoyed, precious moments to be looked upon and adored in the future! Perfection is of the utmost importance, and never to be done halfway! Bagai melepaskan batuk di tangga... (!) what the heck, sorry folks. BM paper's over. Sorry. Point is, people who organise prom (Group Some People 2) should have worked harder on it. How dare they. This is prom! Not a half-assed school project for extra-credit!!!

But Group Some People 1. When voicing out, be gentle. Violence or foul-mouthing is never the way. You'll just make the organisers feel bad about it and utterly demoralised. And the prom itself will end in a much more disastrous manner. Alright, the prom has holes, too many holes to be patched up and sewed on to achieve satisfaction, but you have to remember. Group Some People 2 is composed of humans. Very talented humans who want nothing more than the same thing you want: a good time with dear friends for the very last time. They work hard too, as much as we all worked for SPM. Give some credit, if not the smallest piece of gratitude.

There are faults on both sides. Maybe the other weighs more than the next. But there's democracy. Look at Malaysia!

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Sorry, bad example. What I mean to say is, criticise if you must! But be gentle! We will work hard for New York, New York to be a memorable event, not just a party with suits and dresses.

And it's still not too late. Do come, those who are not coming. We promise you'll have an enjoyable time.

Till next time, folks!

Smile and Die

I rarely find anything worth blogging about, don't I? Ashes to Flames is basically about feelings, girls, mindless rambling, feelings, girls... and feelings. I mentioned feelings, didn't I? Yes, feelings.

2010 has been different to me. Well, every year is, but then... 2010 felt significantly different. I learned about how complex feelings can be, the depth of feelings, their ever-changing chemistry between people and just how very tiring they can be to normal teenagers like you and me. Sometimes borderline suffering.

I've discovered of how to actually like a person.

Discovered rejection (indirectly, mind you.), and how bloody hell painful it was.

That spike, blasted spike from the pits of the underworld, a piece of Hades' own black soul, just puncturing your heart like a buttering knife slicing a bun...

You get over it.

Weak. Hurt. Bloody. Teared up. You get over it. (yeah, you do.)

I'm alive, aren't I?

So like the opening scenes from Halo: Reach, you pick up your assault rifle after a long day and just walk up that hill to get a face full of sunshine... the new horizon!

And you just see another bloody day coming your way. Horizon's there, but it's dark red and screaming at you. Sure, birds fly and the sun shines, but the heat gets to you, and that deja vu from the previous battle stirs up your insides.

You get ready your gun, but you know, once it's over, it's gonna start all over again. The same hill, the same anticipation for a happy ending... but a different horizon with a new kind of horror. Sometimes you wish you were just dead, and heck with all this.

It's just not worth it.

Or maybe you're detached from all of it? Hide in the shadows, and strike from within the shadows. Like the lone hero from Assassin's Creed: Brotherhood, you have nothing to lose and you just work it all until the end. No one's waiting for you once you're done, so just end it all with a jab of that hidden blade.

No one knows, no one cares.

I can't say much. What I have locked in my mind can compromise everything I care for. But I do wish someone can unlock them. Anybody willing to do an extraction from my dreams like Dominic Cobb from Inception?

Then you'll get to see my dreams. Dark, blank, empty and meaningless. Yet under that seemingly plain blanket a sea of storms pulses, sucking in everything that gives me peace and serenity.

I try to make people happy. I try, I really do. And in the end, I get shot in the heart. But I don't care. As long as that person is happy... what can I do?

Smile and die.

xD

*This post has nothing whatsoever to do with anyone real, fiction, or even dead. Not related to anyone. No. Not really.*

*Maybe one.*

We'll poke that storm in the eye

I haven't been involved in anything.

I don't have a right to say anything either.

That storm, yeah, that one.

I was lucky because I had my umbrella.

I'm grateful but I watch in sorrow as some of my pals wade through those dangerous waters.

Into the eye of that bloody storm.

Today, one of them said, ''No, I don't think it'll end. It'll only get worse.''

I respectfully disagree, bespectacled midget.

(I do hope I was as vague as I was insulting in that one.)

Yes, that storm will keep going. For the worse. Okay, that part I agree. But it'll never end?

No, no, no.

It will end. It will. You just have to hang on. Shut your ears, close your eyes, and just feel the rain on your face. Let people say what they want to say, it'll die away. But don't you die along with it.

All those lies, half-baked truths, misconceptions and chaos theories are bringing you down.

You're strong, stronger than that. What, half-baked cheese gonna make you sick now?

And if it does bring you down, push you to tears, destroys your well-being... just remember.

You're not alone. You never were, anyway.

I'll be there, he'll be there, she'll be there, everyone will be there and we'll grab your frail hand and pull you out from all that hate and greed and nonsense crap and we'll screw that storm, right in its bloody evil eye.

Hang on, hang on. It'll be over soon, and you'll have a beautiful sunrise and well-deserved peace.

Patience, midget.